How to Hold Back Tears

Although tears are a perfectly natural way to release tension, express emotion and get through a challenging situation, there are times when crying seems like the last thing you want to do. Whatever your reason for not wanting to cry, holding back tears is often difficult. However, there are certain tricks you can use to distract yourself from tears.

Method1

EditUsing Physical Methods

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   Pinch yourself. Use a small amount of physical pain to distract from emotional pain can help prevent tears. Pinch yourself in a sensitive area, like the bridge of your nose or the flesh between your fingers. This is very effective for many people when it comes to preventing crying.^[1]
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   Focus on your breathing. Pay attention to the natural breathing patterns of your body can also serve to prevent tears. Focus on how your breaths are coming and going. You can also practice deep breathing by breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, channeling air into your abdomen. This can be soothing and calm you down, making you feel better about the upsetting situation.^[2]
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   Use cold sensations as a distraction. Changing sensations can also help you avoid tears. Place a cold water bottle or ice cube on your wrist. Sprinkle some icy water on your face. Anything you can discreetly do to create a physical sensation can provide a solid distraction from crying.^[3]
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   Look up. For some people, looking upward can help prevent crying. This will prevent the tears from escaping. However, the major downside is that this can prove distracting and does not have as high of a success rate as other options. The tears will usually fall once you put your head back in a regular position.^[4]

Method2

EditSeeking Long Term Solutions

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   Learn about the benefits of crying on occasion. It's okay and healthy to cry. You should not always hold your tears back. If possible, give yourself a chance to cry once a week. Watch a sad movie or TV show in the privacy of your own home. Allow yourself to experience feelings of sadness.

   • Tears provide a powerful and necessary emotional release. They also remove certain toxins from the body, which can help bolster the immune system. Allowing yourself to occasionally cry can be good for your physical and emotional well-being.^[5]
   • Crying on occasion can actually make you stronger. It boosts feelings of resiliency and strengthens the capacity for empathy. This is possibly due to the fact that crying is a form of stress management. People usually feel better after a good, cathartic cry.^[6]
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   Seek behavioral modification therapy. Behavior modification therapy is a form of therapy where you recognize negative behavioral patterns and work on consciously changing your behavior. If you cry frequently, behavior modification therapy can help you find better ways to cope with emotional distress. You can ask your regular doctor for a referral to a therapist who practices behavioral modification. If you're a student, you may be entitled to free counseling through your college or university.^[7]
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   Be upfront about your emotional needs. Oftentimes, frequent crying is due to an inability to express emotional needs to those around you. Talk to your loved ones about when and why you need emotional support. Do not be ashamed to ask someone to take time to listen to you vent, hold your hand, and provide emotional comfort.

Method3

EditPreventing Tears Emotionally

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   Take a step back from the situation. If you feel tears coming on due to emotional stress, sometimes stepping back from the situation can help. Putting some distance between yourself and a stressor can help you hold back tears.

   • If you are crying because of an argument then you need to show the person involved that you are upset about it. Tell them if you need to cool down. Say something like, "I need a minute" and leave the room. Go for a walk. Read a book. Do anything you can to distract yourself from growing emotional.^[8]
   • If you're at work or school, leave a meeting or class to run to the bathroom. Take a quick five minute break if possible. Return to your office or cubical and simply breathe for a few moments.^[9]
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   Seek distractions. You cannot always simply leave when you feel tears coming on. If you can't duck out from a meeting or a classroom, try to distract yourself from the emotional distress.

   • Take notes. They do not have to be relevant to what's happening. You can write song lyrics, poetry, simply doodle, anything to get your mind out of the present moment.^[10]
   • Use your phone. If you're in a situation where it's appropriate, try using your phone as a way to get your mind off the situation. Go to a funny webpage. Check your Facebook profile. Send a text to a friend.^[11]
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   Allow yourself to experience anger. Oftentimes, people use crying as a means to convey frustration and distress. This is not necessarily a conscious decision. The chemicals released in tears often quell aggression, so crying is sometimes an evolutionary means of defense. However, it's often more effective to experience and express anger when being disrespected than crying.^[12]

   • For example, say you arrive for a doctor's appointment to find your doctor is not in. You have a very busy schedule and today is the only day you have time for your annual physical. When you arrive, the doctor is not in and the receptionist unapologetically tells you he forgot to cancel the appointment. In such a situation, you may feel tempted to cry in frustration. However, instead express that you are angry.^[13]
   • Express anger in a firm but appropriate manner. Do not curse out the receptionist or start yelling and making a scene in the office. Instead, say something like, "That's incredibly rude and I really don't appreciate it. I need you to make me another appointment." You've expressed that you are displeased with the situation in an upfront manner and are less likely to unconsciously attempt to diffuse the situation with tears.