How to Improve Social Skills

Good social skills are an important part of leading a healthy, happy and enjoyable life. Studies have proven a positive correlation between social skills and mental health.

Edit10 Second Summary

• Speak at the same volume and tone as the people you're talking to. More ↓
• Start with small talk and then find ways to keep the chat going. ↓
• Maintain 'open body language'. Avoid apathetic body language signals, such as slouching or crossing your arms, which indicates that you are closed to further communication. ↓
• Practice non-verbal communication at home in front of a mirror. ↓
• Practice in public places where chatting with strangers is acceptable. ↓
• Reflect on your past social interactions. Note what went well and what didn't in your conversations. ↓

Method1

EditEnhancing Verbal Communication

1. 
   1
   Be aware of the volume and tone of your voice. Don’t speak too softly or too loudly either. Speak at a volume that can be heard easily, and suggests confidence but never shows aggression.

   • Remember to adjust the volume of your voice to suit the surrounding environment.
   • If possible, speak at the same volume and tone as people in your immediate environment.
2. 
   2
   Learn the right manner in which to initiate a conversations. You can begin by saying something that is generally or universally true, rather than overly personal because that might seem to be insulting or offensive to some. Comment on the weather, or maybe some current event you heard about in the news recently. You could compliment someone on what they are wearing or the way they have done their hair.^[2] Small talk is not always easy though; since it can often be difficult to think of exactly what to say. Here a few examples:

   • "That's a nice hat, where did you buy it"?
   • "What's with this crazy weather?"
   • "I just love the view from here."
   • "Isn't Professor James' class fascinating?"
3. 
   3
   Find ways to extend conversations. After speaking about general issues such as current events, try bringing up more intimate or a more relatable topic. Asking questions that delve a little deeper below the surface. For example, asking polite questions about their family, employment, or hobbies can lengthen a conversation and make it more meaningful. Remember that a conversation takes two people, so avoid speaking too little or vice versa. Try as much as possible to ask open-ended questions; in other words, start with a "How," a "Why," or a "What," instead of those questions to which there can only be a plain and simple "Yes" or "No" answer. That doesn't encourage the person you're speaking to speak more. Here are some ways to lengthen conversations and give them depth:

   • "So, what you do for a living?"
   • "Tell me a little more about your family?"
   • "How do you know the host of the party?"
   • "How long have you been attending / been a member of weight watchers?"
   • "What are your plans for the weekend?"
4. 
   4
   Steer clear of inflammatory topics. When interacting with a person you don't know all too well, there are some subjects you should steer clear of. In general, these would include controversial subjects like religion, politics, or the persons ethnicity/race etc. For instance:

   • While it appears appropriate to ask someone a question about an upcoming election, it might be offensive to ask someone who they plan to vote for.
   • While it seems okay to ask someone about their religious affiliation generally, it might be a bad idea to ask just about anyone about the church's views on sexuality.
5. 
   5
   End conversations courteously. Instead of abruptly cutting them off and walking away, try to be polite about it. Tell them in a sweet, non-offensive way that that you have to take their leave, and give them the impression that you enjoyed the interaction. ^[3]Try concluding with positive statements such as:

   • “I've got to run, but I hope we meet again soon.”
   • "Well, I have a bank appointment, but it's been fun chatting with you."
   • "I can see that you're busy, so I'll let you go. It was nice talking to you."

Score
0 / 3

Method 1 Quiz

How do you start a conversation with someone you do not know well?

Impress them with a fact about an interest you are strongly passionate about.

Begin with something general, like an observation about the weather or traffic.

Ask a personal question to avoid boring small talk.

Ask a simple "Yes/No" question like, "Are you going to the game?"

Method2

EditImproving Non-Verbal Communication

1. 
   1
   Pay attention to your body language. Our gestures often communicate messages more powerfully than words.^[4] Remember that body language plays an important role in social interactions. Be wary and take time to reflect on messages you give others through your posture, eye contact, and facial expressions.

   • If you are avoiding eye contact, standing far away, or crossing your arms, you are likely telling others that you don't want to interact.^[5]
   • Adopt a confident pose, and smile a bit more, Make frequent eye contact with people you are talking to; stand tall and unfold your arms. This way you are certainly more likely to create a good impression on people you speak to.
2. 
   2
   Observe how other people behave in social situations. Watch their body language closely and consider why they are better at interacting with others socially. Observe their posture, their gestures, their facial expressions, and how often they make eye contact. Consider how you might replicate or improve upon your own body language while talking to people.

   • Determine 'how well' the people you're observing know each each other. This is important, because the body language shared between close friends who are talking differs completely from that displayed by two complete strangers even in an ordinary setting.
   • Mentally take notes about what you see and observe. This will both guide and help you to become more aware of your own body language.
3. 
   3
   Improve your non-verbal communication skills at home. Home is often the best place to start learning something new, because you won't be as inhibited in a familiar setting. You could try making a video of yourself in conversation with your family members, and then consider how you can improve your body language. You could also practice non-verbal gesturing in front of a mirror. Enlist the help of family members you are close to, or even close friends- this is another effective approach, as they can give you honest useful feedback that no one else would. Some other tips include 'pulling back' your shoulders, keeping your spine straight, and your chin up, parallel to the floor.

   • One of the best things about practicing at home is that its obviously a private and a low-pressure environment.
   • Don't be shy! It just you and the mirror! Have fun trying out different types of body language signs and gestures.
4. 
   4
   Focus on a keeping a genuine smile right from the moment you meet a person. A smile is universally known to be a great way to show you are open to others, and makes people feel at ease. Just focusing on smiling when you meet people will make things a little easier.^[6]
5. 
   5
   Practice your eye contact. Work on making more eye contact as you you get comfortable with it. Don't stare people in the eye, especially if you're uncomfortable with it because that could prove annoying. Whenever you think about eye contact, make yourself look at someone in the eye for just about 3-5 seconds only. As this gets easier, you'll be natural about it.

   • If you're not right next to someone, look at their ear lobe, or the spot right between their eyes. This is faking it, but people won't be able to tell the difference.
   • If you're nervous making eye contact, some social psychologists suggest that you practice doing with people on TV. Put on the news and try keeping eye contact with the anchor.^[7]
6. 
   6
   Spend a little extra time on your self while getting ready to go out. You'll feel more confident with the way you look. Spending a little extra time on making sure you like the way you look and feel confident about yourself will make all other social situations easier to be in. Develop a hygiene routine, buy some new clothes or a pair of shoes you liked, and dressing your best not only improve self-confidence they make you naturally more social, too.

Score
0 / 3

Method 2 Quiz

True or False: First impressions are based only on greetings and verbal communication.

True.

False.

Method3

EditPracticing in the Real World

1. 
   1
   Find a place where people seem easy going. Starting a conversation with an unknown person will seem less risky and more acceptable by everyone there. Some situations seem easier than others especially when initiating social interaction. Supermarkets or banks are more often than not among the worst places to initiate a conversation with a total stranger (people just want to get their groceries and be done with it). Coffee shops, sporting events, and community centers can be great places to start talking to great new people.

   • To meet new people, try joining a group such as an amateur sports club or a book club. A fitness class is often a great place to start a conversation.
2. 
   2
   Start small, chatting with service people that helped you out to get started. Ask your barista how their day is going. Thank the mailman as he passes by, or ask a co-worker how their weekend went. You don't have to dive into deep, invasive, and consuming conversations immediately. Start small. Remember, there is no downside to saying 'hey' to someone. You will most likely not see them again, and these low-key conversations are the best to practice with.^[8]
3. 
   3
   Pick someone who doesn’t appear busy or uninterested. Approach your subject with open body language and and appear to be interested in getting to know them better. This often is a good opportunity to have a meaningful conversation.

   • Be confident when approaching a person. If you are too nervous you may make the other person nervous too!
   • Remember to put away your cell phone. Checking your phone all the time during a conversation annoys people, and makes them think your more interested in your phone than you are in talking to them!
4. 
   4
   Reflect on how it went. If the encounter went on well, take note what you did right and do try to repeat this in the future. If things went poorly, mentally assess the situation to determine what exactly you did that wasn't all that impressive.

   • Did you approach someone who appeared to be busy with something or who was displaying closed body language?
   • Was your own body language open and inviting?
   • Did you start the conversation with an appropriate topic?
5. 
   5
   Talk to more people. Your social skills will improve with practice. The more you communicate and interact with people, you will get better at it.

   • Try not to let negative social interactions get you down. Oftentimes such encounters are not your fault.
6. 
   6
   Join a support group. This is usually a safe, comfortable environment where learning to speak to people can be easier. You are not the only one there who wants to work on their speaking skills. Why not practice with others who are in the same boat? The very fact that you want to improve your social skills shows that you are an open, kind person who is willing to work on themselves. Surround yourself with people with similar goals to help you grow.